this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
