fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
