Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
