Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm jealous of your bromance
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
