woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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