He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
