I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
