Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
