How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
