Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
