I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
