I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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