covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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