It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This toilet bowl is my home.
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