my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
