are you still at the devil's house?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize