Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
