apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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