I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
