he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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