I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
