I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
