I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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