JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
