I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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