...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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