True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This baby is an asshole
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
