It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
