I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
