My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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