I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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