And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
