dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
