the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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