i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize