Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize