You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
