genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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