Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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