My first STD was from a foam party
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
