So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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