the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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