dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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