I wanna passion pit in your ass
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
