Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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