How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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