So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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