i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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