just come out here and I will go home with you...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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