remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
