I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
