How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
