don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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