Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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