Just fell off a train. Bad.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
