I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize