i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
