his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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