On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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