Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Randomize
