I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
