Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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