Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize