dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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