dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
