Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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