He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
