I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
