i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
