it wasn't lemon gatorade
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
