Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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