remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
