i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
