We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
