does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
