five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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