I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
