Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
