He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fuck me I smell like cheese
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
