He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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