he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We left an ass print on the piano.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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