all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
