Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
