If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
