More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
