His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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