I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize