its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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