Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
