forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
