oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize