i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
