Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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