I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
