Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
