they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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