don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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