If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
