I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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