I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
