Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
