piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
