Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize