Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
