i just wanna soil my oats bro
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
