Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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