I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
