a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
