He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
