He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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