I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
