he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize