And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
