The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
