Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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