Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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